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Sunday, January 2. 2005About me I'm a 21-year-old male graduate student at Penn State University in University Park, PA, set to graduate on December 16, 2005. I'll obtain a Masters of Engineering in Computer Science and Engineering. In addition to going to school, I work part-time for the Navy on a classified project. In my rare free time, I enjoy playing role-playing videogames, and reading fantasy novels. I'm an active person, lifting weights or running five times a week, and participating in sports like raquetball and basketball.I'm not the typical person you would think of when reading subject matter like this. I could possibly be considered the unluckiest (or perhaps most inept) person when it comes to dating. On the other hand, it's not as if I didn't try; I'm currently on a streak of eight consecutive rejections. Those rejections are what prompted me to start writing. Not being rejected, specifically, but the manner in which those rejections occurred. In one or two cases, I received a polite no and moved on with no harm done. In another two, the woman offered a transparent excuse, which while not exactly forthright, I can see was offered in a kind way to avoid undue emotional harm. In the other half of the cases, however, I contacted her two or three times, and she completely ignored whatever I had to say. One time, she had volunteered to do something for an unrelated event and she later simply didn't produce what was needed, ruining the presentation for 30 people. Another time, a woman flirted shamelessly, smiling and touching and sending 20 E-Mails per day (this is an actual number), but when I asked her out, she made up an excuse.
I'm sure that many will think that I'm simply doing something wrong to be getting all these rejections. I'll be the first to admit that I am; after all, I've heard of people with success rates of 50% or higher. What exactly is causing the rejections is irrelevant, because I can deal with being rejected. What I can't accept is the completely rude and uncaring manner in which these rejections occurred. I may be bad at connecting with women, but I don't see how this shortcoming gives people an excuse to act this way. Some might say that my lack of experience and my continual failure means that I shouldn't be writing this blog. On the contrary, most people by this age who have had "success" have been ingrained with the right way to "play the game." I would offer that not being involved in a successful long-term relationship and not having had much contact with girls in high school makes me more qualified to write, because I was never fully assimilated into the culture of game-playing and never became used to this scheming. The final decision, of course is up to you. Comments
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I'm very surprised you took the opportunity to take some time and show us a personal side of your life of inside "the game". Though, knowing philly, it's probally a common thing you might of picked up somewhere, and it shows great spirit of what philly is
I think it's great that you're writing this blog. There are some interesting books that might be helpful, and some of them are quick reads--
Robin Baker, "Sperm Wars" David Buss "Evolution of Desire" Helen Fisher "Anatomy of Love" and, possibly... Barbara Whitehead, "Why There are No Good Men Left." Basically what you're running into is the fact that women value SOCIAL SKILLS and, related to that, SOCIAL STANDING. So far, I'm enjoying the blog. Keep on it!
Hi Steve,
Just read your comment on my site on the questionable - in your view, as I understand it - value of acting cool. "What ever happened to simply being yourself?" I think you raise an interesting philosophical question which is very relevant for, say, the ethics of our time. But before I continue, did you happen to read my post about "kareoke coolness"? Because that's vital to understanding my position; it's a bit more subtle than "playing childish games" you know... But because I think you raise a very important issue, I'm going to take the time to read more at your blog, before I give my reaction. Bye, Mastery http://thephilosophyofbeingcool.blogspot.com
Hey Steve, thanks for the comment on my blog. I appreciate your desire to take the game of out dating, but I think that in the end, dating is, in fact, based on game theory. It's like the scene in "A Beautiful Mind" where if all the guys are totally straightforward and go for the girl they want, none of them gets anything, but if they all go for the less attractive girls, they at least get something. Of course, in the real world, the games are a lot more complicated than that, but the idea is the same. If you're straightforward, you lose the game.
http://www.hookupculture.com
Well, you're assuming two things here:
1. All the guys are aiming for the same girl. Angelina Jolie was voted the "hottest body" in a magazine last year. I know many people I find much more attractive than her myself, and there are other people who would find my perfect mate unattractive. 2. In the end, if the game IS about going for the same girl or the same few girls, then as you say, "none of them gets anything" anyway. It doesn't matter whether the game is played or not if the numbers are the same. Anyway, thanks for visiting - I'd be interested in hearing comments you might have on other entries.
I like the picture with the glasses and the Property of Def Jam t-shirt.
Good for you Steve, standing up for what you believe and whatnot. I would stand up for what I believe, if I only had legs ::sob sob:: oh wait, I do have legs!! W00T!!! http://www.livejournal.com/users/vonmatrices/ Baron Von Matrices
Hey Steve,
But putting up this blog you have opened yourself up for unsolicited advice.  Here goes!1) I was an AWKWARD girl growing up. I still kinda am, at times. I didn't really have any contact with boys until I was 16. It took a lot of practice to learn how to act around men (in a way that they won't respond negatively to.) I tell my inexperienced girlfriends this: dating takes practice. Learning how to hang around guys takes practice. I tell them to practice talking to prospective dates just to get more comfortable with it. And I tell them to try as many dates as possible with unlikely matches, just to get more comfortable with that, as well. The point of #1 - try for quantity. If you're on 11-straight rejections, keep trying. I'll bet you won't make it to 100. And if asking 99 women out on a date is what it will take to get one "yes", start asking!!! 2) You need to get out there and strike up conversations with women. Risk a lukewarm response or awkward dialogue. Again, potential for a high rejection rate, but no guts, no glory. I know quite a few girls that would go out on a date with any guy at least once, but don't often get asked. 3) I don't know how into looks you are, but I've always had a better time with a guy I could talk to, had similar interests with. A woman with interests similar to your own is more likely to say yes, I think. If you don't have any interests that women are likely to share, see if a woman has a hobby you're remotely curious about, and get her to tell you more. 4) I'm guessing that there's a low female-to-male ratio in comp sci, fantasy novels, RPGs... Ya gotta go where the girls are! Sign up for dance lessons (I know that sounds horrible, but there will always be more females there than males.) Or a book club. Or an art class. Or try a dating service (I met my BF through speed dating.) 5) Treating this as a "game"... Make yourself as generic-looking as possible. Wear clothes from The Gap. (Don't gag!) No excessively weird piercings, hair, accessories... 6) Make it casual. I'm not sure how you're asking women out, but is it something like, "you're really interesting - can I buy you a coffee so we can chat more?" Or, "want to see a movie on Saturday?" 7) Advertise. At a department store, approach a woman your age with some sort of line like, "I'm trying to buy a birthday gift for my mother and don't really have any ideas. What can I give her to let her know she's special?" (That is so cheesy, but if you can demonstrate how sweet you are, girls love that.) Or walk around with a cute puppy. You'll have to beat the girls off with a stick. Or, in a group conversation, say something like, "when *I* take a woman out on a date I make sure I've got her transportation covered, the restaurant is nice, and I bring some sort of gift for her, like a rose." Available women who are remotely open to dating you will think, "ooh, he sounds like a good boyfriend!"  Go on blind dates and agree to be set up by your friends. These will either end up being:- practice for when you meet the right woman, - a compatible woman, or - a really funny story to tell your friends. I happened onto your blog while reading HookupCulture. I'll definitely visit again!
Hey Steve, thanks for stopping by my site...
Love yours... I used to be in the same boat as you, rejection bothered me a little bit more though. I've linked back to you and created a button which you're free to use if you want at http://www.jetshack.com/staticpages/index.php/20050203132714985 Take care Jon
You've probably already been told about this but what the hell:
www.doubleyourdating.com
thanks for stopping by my blog. I tried to read Robert Jordan but it just wasn't happening. I do pick up Terry Goodkind when I see him and I'll look for Steve RR Martin (easy name to remember!).
Hey Steve,
First of all, Penn State rocks! I hope Paterno retires this year though- go out in glory. Second of all, be yourself. I never played any games and I got the woman of my dreams. I did date in High School for 3 years and it did not help. As far as rejection, good you can accept it. Too bad there are so many rude people out there.  Keep your chin up and the rejections will fade.... Eric |
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It’s funny, I have been thinking about writing this entry for a few days now and jotting things down here and there that I wanted to include and now Steve has practically introduced it for me. What better time could there be to bring up (lightheartedly)
Tracked: Apr 06, 13:41
A girl friend of mine sent me the book He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. If you read my blog then you know that I was recently seeing someone that I was having a hard time letting
Tracked: Apr 25, 07:20